Okay. I better be extra careful in writing this little baby today considering the subject matter. I can't slip up and risk the ridicule at the hands of people more aware and obsessed with grammar and language than I. (Yes, "I" is correct, "me" would not work as you would never say "me am," you would say "I am.") If you have to ask, then you're an idiot. Did you notice how "you're" equals "you are?" Good. Sorry I am so violent today. I am attacking your words, not you. Trust me.
I spend a lot of time emailing and communicating with people throughout the day. It's one thing to be frustrated with misspelled words and such as they are soooo blatantly obvious most of the time. Here are a few things that aren't so obvious. I will give you scenarios.
1-I get this email from a woman thanking me for helping her out with some sort of task. But in her email she responds, "Thanks so muuuuuuuuuuuuch." Now...how exactly do you read that? Yeah, not exactly what she had in mind.
2-I was IMing with someone recently and they told me that they were really "P. O'd." Now, what exactly are you trying to tell me? Oh I get it, you must have been really piss offed huh? Wow. Crazy. Let's try to be more accurate and call it "P'd O." Makes more sense.
3-Now, this one has been examined elsewhere but my minions will want to hear it from me. It's "couldn't" care less. If you could "care" less, then I would have to tell you that I don't take seriously your lack of interest in what I am talking about. Oh, so you could probably care less than you do right now? Great!!! Then I am going to go ahead and walk all over you. That's good news. PHEW!!!
4- This one isn't really a grammar thing, it's more an annoying thing I do that makes no sense. So this lady at work needs me to do something for her. She let's me know via email. As soon as I finish it, I send her a reply that says, "I have updated access. Thanks." Now, why the heck do I have to thank her? Yeah, yeah, smartass, i am sure you will say that I need to thank her for letting me be of assistance to her. Huh? I have decided to sign off like this from now on in order to give reason to this apparently necessary and commonly used phrase. I should say, "Thanks (for taking my time away from the latest celebrity news and gossip, my IM's, my novel, and my personal phone call, so that I might secure a bit of job security by fulfilling your request). I really should be saying you're welcome. Or maybe I should say it's a pleasure. But then again, I don't want to be a liar. There is nothing cute about that.
